Friday, May 27, 2005
St Louis Jesuits, part 7
(Dealing with Loss)
The America two-part article on the St Louis Jesuits concluded with the news that after twenty years, a reunion is in the works. I'm cautious about such efforts. I've never found an appeal to go back, but Roc O'Connor's explanation seems on target, "We see it as an act of hope, to work together again. An act of reconciliation."
And Bob Dufford's as well:
Our music is integrating the sense of loss of where we once were, riding high on the tide. I knew it would end one day. But can I let go gracefully? Can I embrace my own death, my own loss of hair and nice waistline? Can I embrace the loss I feel in the changes in the liturgy of the church? And I say, it's O.K. for it to go. But is there still something the Father has to say to me?
I confess my own sympathy for the difficulty in letting go. On one hand, I've found it easy to move forward, leaving friends and family behind geographically in my wanderings these past seventeen years. Having my own family makes that much easier, but I still deal with concrete realities of loss, not just hair and waistline issues.
It seems the time I could pick up my daughter and carry her was all too short. I can sense the beginning of grasping harder for memories. Sometimes seconds or a few minutes will pass before I have the right word. Dufford is in a better place to be able to say that it's okay for it to go. Maybe I can say that about 90% of my life, but some things are still hard.
The solution? I can't say I have one. Maybe I need, like the Jesuits, to take it to Scripture and the liturgy. Like the line in the Merton prayer, "I have no idea where I am going," but the liturgy can't be too far wrong.
