Sunday, May 29, 2005
My Problems With Apologetics
I feel like wading into some controversial territory tonight. We're heading to Omaha early tomorrow to visit the zoo, so have at it while I'm gone.
The dictionary defines the term as a "branch of theology dealing with the defense and proofs of Christianity." I've known people who have tried to "prove" their faith: Watchtower bearers, evangelicals in college, and now retrenchment Catholics. Being a rational, thinking, and scientific person, one might think I would have a similar approach to faith. But for some reason, I've never found reason to be a very attractive approach.
The pairing of the two ideas in Psalm 34:4-5 distills what has been the foundation of my faith experience:
Magnify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, who answered me, delivered me from all my fears.
For me, worship was the root of my Catholic Christian experience, and it remains the source to which I return when in need. When I was a young lad at my first Catholic Mass at my first week of Catholic school, it was the sound of the organ, the high-ceilinged architecture, the gathering of the entire student body, the proclamation and preaching of the Word: these things led me to my first inquiry in the faith to my friend Michael, "What's happening now?" "Communion." "Can anyone go?"
My first faith experience was that of worship: the arts of preaching and music combined with a sense of community, a sense of belonging. I needed no proof of Catholicism; I knew it in my bones, in the deepest part of my self. The response: to seek the Lord, who indeed answered me. Fearful that the direct approach to my Protestant parents might yield a firm no, I prayed for God to arrange events for me to become Catholic. And in my ten-year-old mind, that's exactly what happened when Father McCarthy called my mom one day, and I overheard her answer on the phone, "No, none of them have been baptized ... Let me see what Todd says."
Although I've enjoyed reading the Bible, taking classes in theology, and using my mind, these have always been secondary to the root impulse of faith in my life. One professor defined theology as "faith seeking understanding." And people who lean on the intellect too much strike me as redefining theology as "understanding seeking surety," leaving faith out of the picture, or reducing it to a supporting role.
This probably explains the personal appeal liturgy has had for me, over catechetics. (One ex-girlfriend thought I was wasting my time as a church musician; I'd make a far better theology professor.) I wouldn't presume my path to faith is the only path. But I can say that the liturgical path is a fruitful one, even for the person who prides himself or herself on the intellectual way.
Defense of the faith: that's something people believe we Catholics need. It seems like retrenchment is the circle-the-wagons approach to the world. Some Catholics even turn their love of apologetics against other Catholics. If such persons persist in "apologizing," I think it would be an abuse.
As I've said before, the plant does not prune itself. The vine does not pick up the cutting tools and determine which branches will stay and which will drop to the garden floor. The wheat does not rise up and operate the combine to get at the chaff. Likewise, it is unseemly, and uncatholic for some believers to assume the role of Christ and pronounce determinations certain people are not of the faith or that they should not be Catholic.
The determination of Christian or Catholic is based (even more perhaps than the Creed or baptism) on Psalm 34:4-5: Does the person engage in worship? Do they call on God? A person who does this frequently is more likely to be closer to God, but I would not discount the power of a single worship event to turn a stray back into the fold. That is why worship is so vital, and why high quality worship is the very best thing parishes can do to cast the net of evangelization wide. Personal, individual, petition prayer is rightly placed in the context of the community at its best: the community at worship.
These are the roots of my problems with Catholic apologists. It's more than the simple rejoinder: I love being a Catholic; why should I apologize for it? While I applaud the USCCB for noting the need for adult religious education, the most important thing bishops and educators can do is to turn their energies to getting people back to Sunday Mass. And for those of us who inhabit the liturgy: to make sure there's something worthwhile for them when they do come.
