Catholic Sensibility

A friend wrote to ask if I had ever considered the permanent diaconate. I had ... about five or six years ago when I was in the Archdiocese of Dubuque. I had two great friends enter the formation program about 1999. They were ordained last year. It would have been cool being classmates with them. I know my wife would have enjoyed the coursework (that diocese required wives to study with the husband-candidates). My spiritual director back in Iowa was formation director for the diaconate, so I was well acquainted with leaders, roles, and the spirituality. When it was time for discernment on the diaconate (i.e. going beyond the infatuation stage of being with good people and presiding at infant baptisms and preaching) I had to ask myself what my motivations would be for Holy Orders, especially examining the balance of ego, recognized ministry versus the understanding of service. Our parish already had two deacons, and two other candidates had stepped forward. I wasn't interested in serving another parish as a deacon, so why did the church need a 5th deacon? That seemed disrespectful of the community who had hired me to be their liturgist. The other challenge for me was spending four or five years in theology courses I had taken long ago in grad school. As one deacon observed, "You could probably teach most of the diaconate courses." Liturgy and sacraments, maybe, but getting excused from coursework might put my wife out of the loop. And as for the diaconate community, it would definitely leave me high and dry. If I offered to take another course of study, say canon law or an MDiv degree, I might be gaining a skill needed in the diocese, but at the cost of the community effort of the class of deacon candidates and their wives. The clinching aspect was my wife's and my decision to adopt a special needs child. I found that calling to be far stronger in my life at that time, so I happily set aside the notion of being a deacon for another calling. It could be that there are some well-trained lay people who, after ten or twenty years in ministry might discern a calling to the diaconate or priesthood. I will be interested to see how dioceses handle the issue of academic training of these people, should they be discerned as candidates for Holy Orders. As for me, I'm more than satisfied with being a lay minister in a parish. I serve in the way I enjoy serving, and as God has called me. At this point, I would need about ten more years, plus a clear call from a parish or a bishop to consider becoming a deacon. Or a lightning bolt, I suppose. Whichever came first.